Ithilien Under Terror
by Authoressinhiding
Summary: The Terrors are back! Being fostered by Legolas in Ithilien, they get into all sorts of trouble. But will they get in over their heads in the end?
1. Of Taffy, Pranks, and Stressed Elves

**Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR.**

To all of my reviewers from "Terrors of Gondor and the Mark": Here's the more you asked for. I hope it lives up to your expectations and my standards.

"Good morning, Master Sluggard!"

Eldarion groaned. You wouldn't think elves would call people "Master Sluggard", but you'd be wrong, he thought.

"No," the price moaned.

"Ouch!" he cried from the region of the floor.

The elf smiled as Elfwine stepped back, smirking. He had no problems with rising early, a fact he used evilly.

In frustration with Eldarion's laziness and sleeping in, Legolas had given command that his people could use whatever means they needed to wake him up. Elfwine eagerly volunteered to help.

It must be said that Eldarion laughed at his friend because he could not speak Elvish at all well. Eldarion spoke both Quenya and Sindarin with ease and showed off by speaking them often.

Legolas was aware of this, and so when Elfwine had asked to be allowed to help, he readily granted his request.

He had been the sole guardian of the boys for a few months, ever since Gimli and his host of dwarves had left.

_(Flashback)_

"No, Legolas, I will not stay here any longer! Neither will my men! They are sick of having that chewy, sticky, stretchy taffy put in their hair and beards!" the dwarf fumed, mounting his pony.

"Gimli, please!" called Legolas. "I can't do this by myself! I need your help!"

"You'll do fine!" Gimli yelled to him. And with that, he rode away. After a few more taffy-in-the-hair incidents, Legolas spoke to each of the boy and threatened to take them to Minas Morgul and leave them there.

_(End of flashback)_

Helm had come with the boys and now ran up to Legolas and rubbed against his legs.

"What's wrong, Legolas?" he asked in Cat.

"The boys," sighed the elf, speaking in the same language.

"Aah. What about them?"

"I'm not cut out to be a father. They are always getting into trouble! Because of their pranks, someone broke a leg."

"How did that happen?" purred the cat.

"They took away one of the ladders from the flets. The person on the flet didn't know. They fell ten feet."

"Ouch."

"Yes, and now I have to deal with the repercussions of it." Legolas picked up the tom. "What say you to the idea of going out on a ride?"

"Fine by me," said Helm.

Still carrying the cat, Legolas ran off to the stables.

The boys peeped out from behind a tree.

"Ooh," whispered Elfwine, pulling two apples out of his pocket and tossing one to Eldarion. "Looks like Leggy's going somewhere."

"How do you know?" asked Eldarion, munching happily on the apple.

"A) He's talking to the cat and sounding happy. B) He's running off to the stables. C) We haven't done anything in the past few days, so he feels safe."

"Ah."

"Want to cause some mayhem?" asked Elfwine in a fixedly casual tone, juggling his half-eaten apple core.

"Might as well," sighed Eldarion. "We don't have anything else to do."

"Yeah."

"Got any brilliant ideas, Prince?"

"Of course, my lord," answered Elfwine in a subservient tone, then went on disgustedly. "What kind of prince do you think I am? Yes, I have ideas. Now, come on. We need to find somewhere private to plot."

The boys took off. They didn't want to get caught by one of their tutors and forced to do lessons.

Legolas's halls were hard to find. Most of his folk lived in the trees. Dwarves had delved caves into a large hill. In these caves, Legolas had a stronghold, treasury, and prison. Beside those caves lay another set, the stables. The duo hid in one of the long-unused caves in the stables.

"So, what were your ideas again?"

"Well," began Elfwine, and they were off.


	2. Return of the Elf

**Bob da Frog - You read, then why on Middle-earth didn't you review?**

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**Disclaimer: The authoress does not own LOTR. Thankssssssssssssss, amigos. (HP quote, relatively)**

Legolas spent two days alone in Ithilien, riding so far as to enter Faramir's city, then returning. He loved it. Helm rode before him in the saddle.

"Home, sweet home," Legolas said to the cat in his tongue as they neared the caves.

"Look again," muttered Helm.

All of Legolas's people were trying in vain to enter the caves. Some had shaved heads, bald as eggs.

"My lord!" called his steward as Legolas dismounted and Helm leapt down. "It's the boys! They have barricaded themselves inside!"

Legolas nodded and sighed wearily. And he had been relaxing! Well, no more of that for a while. The elf walked up to the doors of the hall.

"Eldarion! Elfwine! This is Legolas! Open the door now!" He did not have to say "or else". The unspoken words hung heavily in the air.

After a few minutes, the door creaked open by itself. Legolas strode inside and shut the door behind him, but not before Helm had slipped in.

"Anyone feel sorry for the boys when he gets them?" someone asked.

Every elf raised his/her hand.

Legolas walked to his throne room, knowing the boys would come find him there. Overwhelmed by the extent of the boys' mischief, the elf sighed heavily. How on earth would he punish them? Suddenly, the lord of elves in Ithilien smiled. The sight would have made Sauron himself tremble.


	3. The Punishment Begun

**MeraSparrow – fine, then. Gray-blue. I'm updating, happy now?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR at all. Wish I did, though.**

Cautiously, Eldarion and Elfwine entered and stood before him, heads bowed.

"What have you done?" Legolas asked sternly. "Tell me now."

"We, um, well," dithered Elfwine.

"We shaved all your counselor's heads, so they're bald currently," answered Eldarion.

"Oh! And we ran outside, yelled 'FIRE!', waited fro everyone to clear out, and locked, barred, and blocked all the exits. We've been in here alone since yester even."

"Go to your rooms, now," Legolas told them, unable to keep the anger out of his voice, yet his face was still calm. "Stay there "

The troublemakers nodded, bowed, and left. Legolas sat there for a while, pondering his choice of punishment. The rack? Thumbscrews? No, too nice.

"You know, Boss, you still have to let everybody back in."

Legolas jumped. It was only Helm.

"Right," he replied in Cat. "I will. Now, would you go make sure the boys are in their rooms?"

"Certainly. It will be my pleasure."

"Thanks, Helm."

"I said you're welcome."

"No, you didn't."

"Well, I meant it. Now, go open the door."

Legolas got up, and, after another blazingly angry look at the tom, left the room.

The boy's didn't really have rooms inside. Legolas'd had a flet built for them in a lovely old oak. It had three real walls and a roof. The fourth wall was a movable screen. Their flet was not far form Legolas's own tree house.

When the elf had said, "Go to your rooms", he had meant the dark, dismal holes prisoners were kept in. Since the duo was in there so often, the cells had candles, beds, and bookcases. Also, in Eldarion's cell lay a two-foot-high stack of paintings under his bed. Every single one was of a beautiful elf-maid. Well, most were of different girls, but each was beautiful. Legolas had no idea they existed. Had he, Eldarion would have been punished severely.

The two friends had rooms next to each other for communication purposes.

"So," Elfwine called to the wall as he leaned back on his bed, "what do you think he'll do to us?"

"No idea," came the echoey reply.

"Are you even listening to me?" Elfwine asked. "If you're ignoring me and looking at those portraits, I'll -."

"What, kill me? I'd like to see you try."

"Yeah. How bad will our sentence be?"

"Really bad, probably. Oh, no!"

"What?"

"The cat – His sneak – is in here."

"Helm?"

Elfwine got up and walked to the door.

"Helm, come here."

The tom left Eldarion's cell and came to Elfwine's.

"Hey, Helm, could you go see if we can leave these yet?"

The cat gave him an uninterested look and stalked off.

"He's gone," Elfwine announced to the wall.

"Good." Eldarion snuck out into the hall. Elfwine followed. "I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat, then come back."

"Fine with me. I could eat a mumak."

"I could eat two!"

The boys walked to the kitchen and back, bickering companionably all the way. When they got back, both entered Eldarion's room.

"Hey! My pictures are gone!"

It was true. The stack of paintings had vanished. In their place lay a note.

_Eldarion,_

_I had expected more of you. This behavior makes me wonder if your life here is challenging enough. Tomorrow, your true schooling will begin._

_Legolas Greenleaf_

"Uh oh," whispered Elfwine. "That doesn't sound good."

"Right on the first guess." The door swung shut, and Legolas stepped out from behind it. He gripped each of the boy's shoulders firmly. "Now, you come with me." The elf frog-marched them from the room.

His punishment for their first offense was well thought out. The cooks prepared a great feast with all of the boys' favorites dishes present. It included many deserts.

Eldarion and Elfwine were tied to chairs at the far end of the hall. While unable to eat, they were fully capable of smelling all the food and watching others eat it. Legolas could be cruel.

His punishment for the pictures, however, was yet to come.


	4. Punishment Disproportionate to the Crime

**MeraSparrow – Thanks for all your wonderful suggestions. You really are a crazy person.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize in this story. Only my crazed imagination.**

The next morning, Eldarion and Elfwine were awakened unpleasantly.

"Yow!" screamed the former, leaping to his feet.

"What in the -?" Oh, it's just Helm," Elfwine told him, seeing the cat relaxing on their flet.

Eldarion advanced on the tom. In order to wake them up, he had kneaded both of their heads to get the desired effect.

"Are you awake?" someone called up to them.

"Yes, Legolas!" Elfwine yelled back, recognizing the voice.

"Then hurry up!" the elf hollered. You have five minutes to be down here, fully dressed and ready to leave on a hunt!" He stepped away from the tree's trunk and waited.

Eldarion left the cat and raced around, getting dressed. Elfwine accomplished the same with lazy, languid movement. Actually, he was on the ground before Eldarion.

Legolas looked them up and down carefully. Both boys wore leggings and tunics of a soft green. They had their bows, quivers, and knives. Their hair and faces were all mussed up. The elf smiled as Helm jumped down from the flet and rubbed against both princes before moving to Legolas.

"Mission accomplished, boss," he purred.

"Since you boys will both be rulers one day, it is my job to see that you are prepared. Today, you schooling in being a king will begin." Eldarion and Elfwine exchanged nervous glances. This wasn't like Legolas.

"Uh, sir," began Eldarion tentatively, "what will we be doing?"

"Today, you will be working on manners," answered the elf, watching the boys' faces fall, "and weapons-kills. Tomorrow is horseback riding. Each evening I will tell you what tomorrow's skill is. WE will do this for a month, and the one who does the best overall – acts as the best king, I mean – will be ruler of my folk for one day."

"Oooo, a competition, then," said Elfwine, rubbing his hands together in glee. "I can't wait to win!"

Eldarion growled, "We'll see about that."

"Are you ready to begin?" Legolas asked them carefully. "Remember now, everything you do from her on counts. You will be watched ceaselessly. Do you still want to continue?"

"Do we have a choice?" asked Eldarion.

"No."

"Then, yes, we are ready." Elfwine nodded his agreement.

"Come to the kitchen. The manners test has begun."

Every elf in Ithilien hung close to the caves that month. Eldarion and Elfwine did all they could to win, from staying up 'til midnight studying old texts to getting up early and "misplacing" – hiding really – each other's weapons, clothes, and hairbrushes. Legolas demanded the boys be immaculate each day. It was not proper for kings to be sloppy. In truth, Legolas knew it took them a long time to get dressed and look presentable. If the princes had to get up earlier to fix their hair and be neat, well, at least they were getting up early. It was a good habit to start. As kings of Rohan and Gondor/Arnor, they would have to wake up at all hours of the night.

One day, Legolas called them down. IN contrast to their normal behavior, the boys both hit the ground before he stopped yelling. They were very curious.

"Yes, Legolas?" asked Eldarion. "What is today's task? You didn't say last night."

"That is because today is the final day of your testing," Legolas told them, "and the most challenging. The one who does best today is most likely to become king and win the competition. Today," he drew a great breath, pausing for effect, "we go to Minas Tirith. Today, you meet teenage girls. Today, you must dance!"

Elfwine's face grew pale, and he passed out. Eldarion threw up.

_What did I say? _thought Legolas.


	5. Arrival at Minas Tirith & Dancing

**Nasuada Moon – Keep laughing. There's much more to come.**

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**Ames – I'm updating just for ye, mate. Just for ye.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except my imagination.**

**Author's Note: This chapter is dedicated to MeraSparrow for all her piratey craziness, etc. **

* * *

By the time someone was able to rouse Elfwine and Eldarion had changed, Legolas, Helm, and three horses were waiting patiently for them. 

"Legolas, are you absolutely sure about this?" asked Eldarion.

"Yes," the elf replied simply. "We shall reach Minas Tirith in three days, give or take some hours. You will have one day to prepare and rest. The night after we arrive, there will be a ball, and you will dance with the ladies of the court, princesses, and so on. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal," growled Elfwine.

"Then mount up," Legolas ordered. "We have a long way to ride."

The boys grumbled and plotted for three whole days. Legolas let them. He had Helm to talk to.

"No more allergy attacks. You **MUST** leave Aragorn alone. It is of paramount importance, understand?" he asked in Cat.

"Yes, my lord." The cat's voice had a bit of bite in it. "I have to stay by you and away from him at all times." The tom laughed dryly all of a sudden. "What a figure we shall cut! You looking splendidly handsome and me with my ratty ear. Oh well. Life's like that," Helm said philosophically.

"Indeed," commented Legolas. "We shall look like a sorcerer and his familiar. Have any idea of what the boys are planning?"

"No. They'll stun the girls for sure. Eldarion with his rough, rugged, dark looks and Elfwine with his long, blond hair, bright eyes, and ruddy complexion. We'll see ladies fainting at their feet," he added with distaste. "Just horrible."

Legolas laughed, startling the boys.

"Come now!" he called in the Westron. "The Pelennor is close at hand, the river even closer. Let us ride swiftly."

Helm dug his claws in the saddle and held on. When Legolas decided to go fast, they went fast.

"Valar be blessed," breathed Aragorn as he watched the princes enter the throne room. "Legolas, mellon nin, you have done a wonderful job."

"I thought you'd be pleased," the elf smirked.

"Pleased? I'm ecstatic with joy. But tell me, why are you here?"

Legolas drew him aside.

"Can you have a feast and dance tomorrow night in their honor?"

Aragorn's eyes twinkled.

"I can, and I will."

"Thank you."

Aragorn nodded and turned to his son and Eomer's.

"Come. I will show you to your rooms. There you may rest and prepare for tomorrow night."

Both boys shot glares at Legolas who pretended to be innocent and fooled no one.

"Meow," said Helm.

"Aaaah!" yelled Aragorn. "Get that flea bag away from me!"

Helm began to bathe himself with his tongue, ignoring the furious look on Aragorn's face.

"Relax," Legolas told the man although secretly he enjoyed seeing Aragorn act like a human, not the great king he was normally. "Helm won't bother you." The elf shot the tom a warning glance. Helm continued licking himself and ignored Legolas.

"Very well then," the King of Gondor and Arnor gulped. "Follow me. Achoo!"

Helm smirked at Legolas as the elf, man, and boys disappeared down one of the hallways. It was time for him to perform a little mischief. Not enough to set the city on fire, perhaps, but enough to cause mayhem. Muahahahaha! This was going to be fun.

* * *

As Elfwine entered his room, he flashed Eldarion a sign, one hand with two fingers extended. Eldarion nodded. The sign meant, "Meet me outside here in ten minutes." The king showed Eldarion and Legolas to their chambers and went to tell Arwen about the guest and proposed feast and dance. She would laugh at Legolas's ideas, quite likely, for even his friend found them hilarious. They were almost assured to work, and if they didn't, well, at least everyone would have had a laugh and the boys would have learned a lesson.

* * *

Five minutes after he was completely gone, Elfwine and Eldarion poked their heads out into the hall. 

"I hate to have to work together after all the competing we've done," Eldarion began.

"But neither of us can dance, and we can't both make fools of ourselves," finished Elfwine.

"Exactly."

'So," Elfwine bowed, "my lady, may I have this dance?"

Eldarion took his friend's proffered hand.

"Certainly, my lord."

The duo began to waltz along the hall, moving in and out of both boys' rooms. When a servant came to call them to dinner a while later, her found the boys dancing still. He hurriedly knocked on Legolas's door and begged him to look at his charges. The elf choked up with laughter as Elfwine curtsied to Eldarion's bow and they started the waltz again.

"You two," he shook his head and gasped for air, "are hopeless. Kings do not dance with each other. Princes either."

The two boys looked somewhat embarrassed.

"But," Legolas went on, "I think you can be forgiven. Come. This fine man has come to show us to dinner. I am sure you are hungry. Let us follow him and detain the other diners no longer."

The man struggled to keep his face straight.

"If you'll come with me, my lords…"

Trying not to fall over and laugh forever, Legolas pushed his charges along. He could just imagine the look on Aragorn's face when he heard. It would be pure magic.


	6. Another Attack

Kay – Here I go, giving you more more more. Sometimes I think I shouldn't be so nice.

**Ames – I have fared well.**

**Coolmarauders – :watches fall off chair: interesting. **

**Disclaimer: All I own in the cat. Nothing more, nothing less.**

The dinner was rather quiet. The boy ate little, constantly glancing at Legolas to see if he was going to tell Aragorn about their dancing. Having noticed their looks, Legolas made up his mind not to say a word of the matter to his friend until the young ones were out of sight – and earshot. Arwen was watching her son very closely. She hadn't seen him for two years, at least.

When the fish course came, a problem arose. As the serving man uncovered the tray. Everyone was surprised. Sitting there was not, as was supposed, a salmon, but rather Helm was crouched over the fish's bones. The scraggly tome licked his chops and glanced nervously around at all the enraged people.

"YOU!" Aragorn howled, leaping to his feet. The King of Gondor and Arnor drew a knife. "I'm going to kill you!" He spewed spit from his mouth, making Arwen wince. "Argh!" The man chased after the cat, who had leapt off the table and was running away down one of the passages.

Legolas sighed. Would his cat ever learn? He supposed not. On his left and right, Eldarion and Elfwine were shaking with held-in giggles. Arwen looked extremely annoyed. The other guests and servant also seemed either amused or frustrated.

Meanwhile, Helm was running as fast as he could.

_This man's out to get me!_ Helm thought and ran even faster. Aragorn followed him, howling curses at the cat. The tome had ran for about fifteen minutes when an idea came to him. He stopped himself, wheeled around, and ran at Aragorn.

"AH!" the king screamed and took off. Helm chased him all the way back to the dining room where the guests were still sitting in silence. As they watched the cat chase the tall, strong Ranger, mouths dropped open, and eyes grew wide. Admittedly, it was a strange sight. One didn't often get to see cats chasing kings around their palaces. It was a once in a lifetime laugh-and-point-at-the-king opportunity.

When at last the screams of Aragorn faded into the distance as the cat and king got farther and farther away, Arwen stood up. Dinner was obviously over. All the guests – and servants – wanted was to be excused and go gossip together away from Arwen. The daughter of Elrond did not condone such behavior.

"Legolas, I would like a word with you," Arwen said. "Everyone else, you are dismissed."

The guests hurried out while the servants set to cleaning with a will. They wanted to get out from under Arwen's keen eye so they could swap tales and have a good laugh at Aragorn. It was fun to see him run and scream like a girl.

"What is it, Arwen?" Legolas asked, moving over to her. "What would you like to speak with me about?"

Arwen glanced around furtively – a most unusual behavior for her. "Come with me," she whispered softly. "I do not wish to discuss it here."

Legolas raised an eyebrow, very curious.

"Of course, my lady," said the elf. "Where to?"

She led him to Aragorn's private study. The two went inside. Arwen locked the door and checked the room for eavesdroppers.

"Having Eldarion as a son for eleven years taught me a lot."

Legolas nodded and laughed. "I can se how that would be. He is a troublemaker."

"So," Arwen smiled, sitting down in a chair, "tell me all about this dance you've got your mind on."

Legolas grinned. "Well, Eldarion and Elfwine seemed bored, so I made them a little proposition."

"Oh?"

"Yes. A series of contests, if you will, on skills they will need as kings. Things like manners and hunting and weapon skills and camping and cooking out in the wilderness. And they had to do them better than each other. The one who won each challenge got points. This dance was to be the last challenge. If they win this challenge, I told them they would get to rule Ithilien – well, all of Ithilien I control for a day. Or was it a week?" He paused, thinking. "No, it was definitely a day. So, I need you to organize a dance for them. Would you do that, Arwen?"

She nodded, a merry twinkle in her eyes. "This promises to be so much fun! Eldarion and Elfwine are teenage boys, already uncomfortable around girls. They are going to have such a hard time," Arwen mused, becoming solemn. "No. I am determined not to feel sorry for them. I shall enjoy every minute of it!"

"Hannon le, Arwen, hannon le. This is really very nice of you and Aragorn."

The two exchanged horrified looks.

"Aragorn!" both yelled at the same time and ran to the door. Arwen yanked it open, and they spilled out into the passage.

"Where could they be?" asked Legolas, referring to Aragorn and the cat.

"I've no idea," Arwen replied worriedly as they dashed through the halls, passages, and corridors looking for the king.

"We should split up," Legolas suggested.

"Aye," she panted, "we should."

They had come to a parting in the passage. Arwen kept going straight, but Legolas turned aside.

"Aragorn!" he called in the Westron, then switched to Cat. "HELM!" the elf hissed in the feline language. "HELM! Where are you?"

"Here," came the faint voice of the cat. "In the room behind you."

Legolas whirled and stumbled through the door behind him.

"Eru above," he whispered. "Helm, why did you do that?"

Aragorn lay on the floor with Helm's-head-sized hives and several dozen scratches all over his body.

"He wasn't very nice," Helm purred.

Legolas frowned. "You oughtn't have done that," he replied. The elf sighed. "Now I have to raise the hue and cry. Take my advice: scat, cat."

Helm looked at him unblinkingly and then flounced off, meowing as he left, "I'll be in my rooms."

"You don't have rooms!" Legolas called to the cat, but the tom merely switched his tail and ignored him.

Sighing in annoyance, Legolas tried to lift Aragorn and failed. The man was just too heavy. Very frustrated now, he left the room, pausing so he'd remember it, and headed off to find Arwen.

Her mouth dropped open when he told her.

"Not again," the elleth-turned-mortal-woman moaned. "Oh, dear. Legolas, why did you have to bring that cat?"

The ellon shrugged. He didn't really have a good reason. Well, a reason she would accept, anyways.

"Never mind that now," Arwen continued, heading into a long panic. "We need to… we need to… we need to…" She started hyperventilating, and Legolas stepped back. He did not feel up to dealing with a hysterical woman much less wanted to.


	7. Time to PANIC!

**Kay – There are few things I wouldn't dare to do.**

**Ames - :facepalm: Thank you so much for pointing that out. I meant 'tom'. If you go back and reread the chapter, you'll note I fixed it.**

**Coolmarauders – Aye, that it should.**

**18 – Thank you.**

**Inwe Nolatari - :bows: Thank'ee!**

**Lyn – See above reply to Ames. I meant tom.**

**TheDreamChild – How can one snicker insanely when one's already insane? Wouldn't that make you do everything insanely?**

**Disclaimer: As I have been approached by people from Tolkien, I will now admit that I own nothing, save the cat… and that's by sheer default.**

* * *

"What's going on…oh, Legolas. One of the servants said you were somewhere in here."

Legolas turned to see Èowyn coming towards him. He felt his knees go weak with relief.

"Èowyn, thank goodness you're here!" he breathed. "I – we – really need your help."

"Calm down, Legolas," Èowyn laughed. "Faramir's around here somewhere. I'll go find him. You stay right here."

"But…but…but…" Legolas stuttered.

"Stay here," Èowyn ordered firmly and headed off to go find her husband. She returned ten minutes later with Faramir in tow.

"Now, what's wrong?" Èowyn asked.

Legolas pointed wordlessly at the quivering mass of nerves that was Arwen and then led them down the hall to see the very sick Aragorn.

"Oh my," sighed Èowyn , taking charge as usual. "First, can you two men carry Aragorn?"

Faramir and Legolas exchanged glances and then nodded.

"Very well. Carry him to the Houses of Healing," directed Èowyn. "I'll get Arwen something calming to drink, but first I'll have to get her up." The woman sighed again. "And I was looking forward to a peaceful visit."

The three set to work, the males taking the king to the Houses of Healing, and Èowyn escorting Arwen gently but firmly to her private sitting room. When Legolas and Faramir returned from their chore, they found Arwen sitting in a chair, shakily drinking some hot chocolate. Èowyn was sitting calmly in another, sipping from a mug. Neither elf nor man presumed to ask or guess what was in it.

"The healers say Aragorn will be fine," Faramir tried to comfort Arwen. "It isn't so bad this time." He exchanged a glance with Legolas. "It was worse – much worse – the last two times."

Arwen managed to choke out a "thank you".

"So, tell me, Legolas," Èowyn broke in, stretching her legs out like Aragorn normally did, "is my nephew here."

The elf nodded absent-mindedly. "Yes," he muttered after a while.

"Where is he? I'd like to speak to him," she requested.

"I don't know," Legolas whispered, and a horrified look came over his face.

"Uh oh," murmured Faramir. "If you don't know where he and Eldarion are, then … does anyone?"

No one in the room spoke.

"I think," Arwen said at last, looking up from her hot chocolate, "it's time to panic."

The others nodded.

* * *

**Author's Note: Sorry it's so short. The chapter just felt like ending there, or the bunny did. It hasn't had its morning dose of sugar yet. R&R, please!**


	8. Pranking the Elf

**Disclaimer: I own zip, zero, zilch. NOTHING!**

* * *

"We really ought to be doing something," Elfwine mused. "A prank, you know. Not this dancing business.'

Eldarion looked sad. "We haven't had a good laugh in a long while."

"We haven't been friends in a long while. Not real friends, anyways."

"You're right. Not since, well, since Legolas started those bloody challenges of his."

"Aye," replied Elfwine mournfully. "We've been so focused on winning we've forgotten our friendship."

"You know what?"

"What?"

"I think Legolas has managed to teach us something about ruling."

"Hmmm?"

"Yes. That our friendship is worth more than a competition between the two of us – or our kingdoms."

"You've got a point there." Elfwine stretched out across his bed lazily, thinking. After a few minutes, he sat up and spoke, "We really ought to be playing a prank." The prince got up carefully. "Eldarion, where are the kitchens? I think our friend Legolas will want some food in his room when he returns.

Eldarion's eyes widened, and he smiled. "Follow me, dear prince. Follow me."

"Of course," murmured Elfwine with a grin.

The Terrors of Gondor and the Mark were back in the game, ne'er to leave it again.

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The four adults scattered through the tower of Ecthelion, searching for the two princes. At last, Faramir found them sitting calmly on Elfwine's bed and discussing the dinner, Helm, and the chasing of Aragorn.

"Your father is a laugh," Elfwine was saying.

"Helm is too," Eldarion agreed.

Faramir coughed softly, and they jumped to hear it. They had not yet realized he was there.

"Mae govannen, uncle," laughed Elfwine, leaping up and hugging Faramir.

"Don't use Sindarin," Faramir growled good-naturedly. "I do not understand it."

"Greetings, Steward," said Eldarion proudly.

Faramir raised an eyebrow, making a mental note to tell Aragorn or Arwen about this later.

"Good day, your highness. You mother has been worried about you. If I may ask, where have you two been?"

"In here," replied Elfwine exuberantly. "Just in here talking. Why? Did someone panic?"

"Queen Arwen has been worried."

"Hmmm. That's very interesting."

Just then they heard a scream of shock, rage, and annoyance. The boys exchanged triumphant glances, jumped up, and rushed off to go see what was the matter.

Legolas was standing in the doorway of his room, drenched in water and dead sea creatures – mostly fish and clams. Eldarion and Elfwine started to laugh, and the elf's face reddened with fury.

"You two!" he spat and began to chase them. The three ran, yelling in fear or rage (depending on who it was), all around the tower.

"I'm going to get you!" Legolas howled.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" both boys yelled, glancing behind them at the enraged elf. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

After watching them chase each other for about ten minutes, Faramir shook his head and went to find Èowyn and Arwen.

"Fish on Legolas?" Arwen sighed. "Oh, dear. Things will be difficult tomorrow." She explained to them all about the dance.

"Hmmm," mused Èowyn, her eyes a twinkle. "Do you have any distinguished visitors?"

Arwen's eyes lit up. "Yes," she breathed, "as a matter of fact we do. There's a group of hobbit girls – in their tweens – visiting at the moment."

"Perfect," grinned Èowyn. "Now – oh, Faramir. You're still here. There's no need for you to be, of course. Go back to your Stewarding duties. We shall handle this."

Faramir nodded. He knew well the mischievous, evil light on his wife's face.

_Besides, if I'm not there, _he thought, _I can't be blamed for it. Hmmm. I might as well go visit Aragorn. _Smiling slightly, the Steward began to hum as he walked quickly down to the Houses of Healing.

**

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Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed it. Only one chapter left, I think. And then, this story is over for good…and no sequel in sight. Happy Haunting!**

Authoressinhiding :P

P.S. Don't forget to review!


	9. The Dance And What Befell Then

**Liv – Why would you put fish on Legolas's head in an angst fic? WHY? You're so weird.**

**Protector of Canon2 – It had to end sometime. **

**Ames – SQUEEMOO? Never heard that one before.**

**Coolmarauders – I know. Very funny.**

**Kay – Nothing you want to know about.**

**Inwe Nolatari – That's ok. We all get lazy sometimes.**

**Disclaimer: Do I look like I'm out on a date with Orlando Bloom to you? No? Well, then, I obviously don't own LOTR.**

**Author's Note: This is the next to last chapter, guys. Sorry, but it has to end, like all other good (or not so good) things.**

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Aragorn was sleeping when Faramir arrived, his hives almost gone and his scratches bandaged. The Gondorian checked the bandages with his eyes, looking for signs of undue bleeding, bruises, and cat fur. He saw a few pieces of hair and picked them up lightly. The cat hair could cause Aragorn to have another allergic reaction – which would NOT be good.

After spending a few moments watching his king, Faramir left, exceedingly bored. As he entered the castle, he intercepted Eldarion. Taking the prince firmly by the arm, he began a conversation.

"Where's Elfwine?"

"Dunno."

"Where's Legolas?"

"Taking a bath in the bathhouse."

Faramir sighed, "Go to your room. You are going to have a big day tomorrow, I expect."

Eldarion frowned, but he could not disobey the Steward of Gondor. "Very well," he growled, and trooped off wearily to his room.

Elfwine was already in his own, thinking.

"Night," he called to Eldarion as he passed.

"Night," the other prince replied.

The next morning, the princes were taken to the grand ballroom and given a few lessons in dancing. They spent the rest of the day practicing their dances with each other. Hiding in a corner, Legolas watched and laughed. He was over the fish incident of the previous day. Well, he hadn't forgotten it, but he had partially forgiven it.

At five the boys were summoned to dinner. Fear and nervousness were in their hearts during the meal. They ate little and spoke less, constantly glancing around to see if anyone in the room might be their dance partner.

Legolas, Arwen, Faramir, Èowyn, and a heavily bandaged Aragorn tucked in, sharing secret smiles. They were going to enjoy the coming dance very much, especially the two women, who had spent most of the night before planning it.

"This is going to be good," Arwen whispered to her husband. He nodded and ate a bit of roast boar. It was delicious.

Soon, too soon for the young princes, it was time for the dance to begin. Faramir herded them into the ballroom and moved off to the side, gesturing for the musicians to begin as he went. They began to play a light spring tune, and the young ladies came in. Eldarion felt his mouth drop open and saw Elfwine's do the same.

A group of twelve or so young hobbit girls – about their age, but much shorter – entered the room. As soon as they were all in, another group came in through another door. This party consisted of ten ellyth. Elfwine recognized some of them as being of Legolas's people, but other faces were utterly foreign to him. Swallowing, each boy went up to an elleth and asked her to dance. Both ellyth nodded gracefully. The princes bowed, the ellyth curtsied, and the dance began.

For about an hour, the boys danced only with the ellyth. Then, Elfwine saw a hobbit girl looking very upset. He took pity on her, and, when that dance was over, asked her to dance.

"Of course, milord," she replied with a merry twinkle in her eye.

Elfwine soon found that dancing with the hobbits was a lot of fun. He danced the Springle Ringle with one of the lasses, laughing and smiling all the while. Eldarion continued to dance with the ellyth. Every once in a while, Elfwine decided to dance with an elf-maid, but even his years among them in Ithilien had not made the elves more palatable to him than hobbits. He enjoyed the cheerfulness and laughter of the shorter race. The elves were all quiet smiles. Hobbits were definitely more fun.

The dance passed much quicker than either prince had thought. The musicians stopped playing, and the ladies left.

"Whooo," Eldarion breathed out a sigh of relief. "I'm so glad that's over."

"It was fun," commented Elfwine, sitting down in a chair. "I wonder which one of us won, though."

"Probably you. I made way too many mistakes."

"So did I. And I don't think I was supposed to dance the Springle Ringle on the tabletop."

Eldarion laughed, "Most likely. It was funny to watch."

"It was fun to dance."

The two friends trooped up to their rooms, secure in the knowledge that, whatever happened and whoever won the competition, they would still be friends.

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**Author's Note: Again, I apologize for the short chapter. The next one will be even shorter, I fear. I hope you enjoy it. Don't forget to review!**

**Authoressinhiding :)**


	10. Manure Piles Do Not Make Royalty Happy

**Ames – Ye never know. SQUEEMOO is lovely, by the way.**

**Liv – Mmhmm. But it falling on his head would achieve nothing!**

**Kay – You are good. **

**Coolmarauders – Explain about the cat bottom. NOW.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Author's Note: I'm sorry, folks, but this is the end. I'm casting off, saying farewell, waving goodbye. AT LAST!**

* * *

Legolas refrained from announcing the winner of the competition until they were back at his stronghold in Ithilien. It was a hard trip for Eldarion and Elfwine. They disliked uncertainty immensely.

When, at last, they reached the caves, Legolas told the boys to unpack. "Meet me in my throne room in, say, half an hour. I'll tell you then."

The princes scrambled up to their flet, extremely nervous.

"I hope it's me," each muttered too softly for the other to hear.

Half an hour later, they were waiting in the throne room for Legolas. The elf sailed in grandly, followed by Helm, whose tail waved like a banner.

Legolas sat on his throne and looked at the princes for a while.

"I have decided," he said at last, "that you two tied. You shall co-rule Ithilien for one day tomorrow."

Elfwine and Eldarion exchanged looks, then danced around the room in triumphant joy.

"WOOOHOOO!" Elfwine yelled, doing a cartwheel. "WOOHOOO!"

"Excuse him, please," laughed Eldarion, dragging his friend away. "We have to go plot."

At the word "plot", Elfwine stood up, smiled, and walked in a dignified manner out of the room. Eldarion followed.

_Oh, dear, _thought Legolas. _What have I done?_

The young princes retired to their flet to plot.

The next day, Eldarion called all the elves together over breakfast.

"Today, we rule!" he told them. "And the first order of business is to bind Legolas Thranduilion, your former king, and toss him in the dung heap outside the stable. Leave him there, too."

All the elves, especially Legolas, had horrified looks on their faces. Elfwine looked gleeful.

"Come on!" he shouted. "Obey your kings!"

So it was the Prince of Mirkwood was thrown into a pile of manure.

"Next!" called Eldarion, pointing to a pile of sharp knives on a table. "Shave your heads! All of you! NOW!"

The elves reluctantly picked up the knives and began to shave their heads, cursing the day Legolas had proposed the competition.

After having the elves shave their heads, the co-rulers ordered some of the ellyth to give them sponge baths. Then, they sat in the stables, merrily painting the horses and other livestock. Eldarion and Elfwine commenced to paint the elves' bald heads when they had finished with the horses. Their artwork consisted mostly of shapes. On one head, however, Elfwine painted the first time Aragorn had met Helm in exquisite detail. He used the finest of brushes and the brightest of paints.

By the end of the day, the princes had had a marvelous time, and all the elves were mutinous. Eldarion and Elfwine slept in the finest bedchambers that night.

A clean, furious Legolas woke them early in the morning. The elves had waited until midnight, then untied him and pulled him out of the heap. The elf had been bathing all night long to get rid of the stench.

"Uh oh," whispered each boy in turn. They leapt out of their beds and ran past Legolas.

"I am going to hurt you!" he yelled and made chase.

Meanwhile, Aragorn's spy – sent to make sure the boys didn't cause too much trouble – wrote a letter to his master.

_My lord,_

_I regret to tell you that your son's guardian is now chasing both young princes around his palace. I can only say they both deserve it, and I hope he catches them. _

_Sincerely yours,_

_Mablung_

**THE END**

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**Author's Note: We have come, at last, to the end of this fine story. I hope you all enjoyed it. Don't forget to review and bestow upon me your glorious opinions.**

**Navaer an si,**

**Authoressinhiding :)**


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